York

The art of negging

As we’re standing at the bar giving some serious consideration to the issues of the day (is it beer before wine feel fine, or beer after wine feel fine? We can never remember. Strangely we never seem to feel fine whichever way round we try it), we watch a guy walk up to a stunning blonde at the bar to try his luck. ‘You’ve got a very mature head on your shoulders,’ he starts. ‘You remind me of my nan.’ We brace ourselves for the slap. It doesn’t come. A couple of hours later, they leave together.

It seems that when fast talking boys want to get some fast girl action, they enlist the tactics of hired gun and MPUA (Master Pick Up Artist) Neil Strauss, author of The Game. Huh? The Game, it’s an account of the incredible adventures of an AFC (average frustrated chump) who transforms himself from a shy, awkward peanut head into the slippery, smooth talking Style – a character who through a barrage of blistering banter and ‘the neg theory’ proves irresistible to women.

Following their first glimpse of how sweet life could be with a string of foolproof seduction tactics on tap, it seems that chumps just want to have fun. Monkey see, monkey do.

The Neg Theory goes like this:

Chumps go out on the pull and approach SHB’s (super hot babes) within the 3 second allocated time limit.

Then they neg the bejesus out of them with weird, backhanded compliments like, “You look hot. And that lump of food stuck between your teeth is making me hungry”. This banana brain technique apparently turns the SHB’s loins into quivering jelly. The logic being that the SHB is used to chumps fawning over her, and the negs are a quick slap down which stop her from thinking that this chump’s interested. And then, just when she least expects it, wham. He makes his move. It’s not rocket science, it’s just nuts.

And hell, you can find the Neggers anywhere; they’re swinging from the rafters in bookstores, bars and burger joints like the desperate little baboons that they are. If you think this theory sounds tempting, best you practice at home first. It’s likely that a blindfolded chimp with a nappy on will have a better chance of succeeding here than you.

Negs to watch out for on your next night out:

Shotgun Neg - this is used in a group situation with a woman of desire - the target - is intended to amuse the group at her expense....”I’ll bet you’re better in bed than you are on the dance floor”

Sniper Neg - A type of neg used to embarrass a woman while talking one on one with her...

“Hey did you just fart” could work nicely slipped in here.